


Precipice

by EdosianOrchids901



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Childhood Trauma, Garak is being kind of a dick, Genetic Engineering, M/M, Post-Episode: s06e01 A Time to Stand, Relationship Problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 16:05:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18369401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdosianOrchids901/pseuds/EdosianOrchids901
Summary: Fed up with Garak's jibes about genetic engineering, Julian confronts him.





	Precipice

**Author's Note:**

> Dialogue prompt from Tumblr: "I know you're lying."

Julian stormed down the corridors of their captured Jem’Hadar ship. Garak had gone too far this time, he really had. Months of jibes and passive aggressive remarks, and now this. Enough. It stopped now.

He turned the corner and found Garak already working. “Ah, Doctor. Good. I could use a hand with this power grid. It doesn’t seem to like me, and we are on a tight repair schedule.”

_Repair schedule be damned._ “We need to talk.”

Garak peered at him over a half-removed panel. “What we need is to complete these repairs. Or have you forgotten that we’re on a Jem’Hadar ship with no warp capability? You were the one who made the calculations, after all. Seventeen years, two months, and three days to Federation space, I believe.”

“It’s about that, actually.”

“Oh?” Lips pursed, Garak peeled the panel off and set it delicately on the floor. “Did your genetically enhanced mind malfunction? A glitch in the code somewhere, perhaps?”

“What is wrong with you?”

“I believe the question is what’s wrong with you, my dear Doctor.”

“Don’t you ‘dear Doctor’ me,” Julian clenched his fists and struggled to keep his tone level. It came out flat instead. “How dare you. How dare you say things like that to me. Is your mind really so twisted that you think it’s acceptable?”

Garak turned, taking on a combative stance. His gaze locked on Julian’s with a startling intensity. “Whatever are you talking about?”

Now he was playing games? “I’m talking about all your damned insinuations. The smug, superior attitude that makes people like me so unpopular? The computer agrees with me because we think alike? Remember?”

Garak snorted. “Really, Julian. Is now the time to discuss your insecurities?”

“If you know they’re insecurities, why do you keep poking at them?”

“You do recall you’re dating a Cardassian?” Sharp impatience flashed in Garak’s eyes. “Cardassians argue quite frequently with our partners. And have you forgotten how you responded to my mention of your smug superiority? You certainly seemed to recognize the remark as a flirtation then, judging by how quickly you removed my clothes.”

Heat suffused Julian’s entire body, heartbeat pounding in his ears. “You’re an absolute asshole, you know that?”

“I believe you were well acquainted with me before we began dating. And _now_ you take exception?”

“This is different!”

“What is different?” Garak tipped his jaw back and gave Julian the look he usually reserved for his most frustrating customers. “Our environment, certainly. Ah, but that’s not it. Of course. It’s that you’ve lost your mask.”

What the hell was he on about now? “My mask?”

“You’re quite exposed these days, all your secrets scattered to the wind. Perhaps it’s simply that you miss being able to hide.”

“You would know all about hiding, wouldn’t you? You’re doing it right now.” Julian stepped closer, right into Garak’s personal space. “You’re still hiding behind insults and passive aggressive remarks.”

“Oh, I’ve stepped quite beyond passive aggressive and into purely ‘aggressive’, as have you.” Garak flashed a bright, patronizing smile. “And what dark secret am I hiding from, Doctor? Tell me, since you seem to have psychoanalyzed me. What childhood trauma do you plan to unearth this time?”

Julian’s throat went dry, and he struggled to get the words out. “Actually, I’d like to talk about my own childhood trauma.”

Garak stepped back, his own mask shattering under confusion. “That’s hardly the topic.”

“No, it is the topic. It’s been the topic all this time, all these months. It’s just not on the surface.” Julian squared his shoulders. “So, let’s bring it to the surface.”

Silence descended in the corridor, only broken by irritable beeps from the still-damaged power grid. Then Garak gave a bow, sweeping his arms wide. “I am at your disposal, Doctor.”

“Still with all the glib bullshit. Drop it.” This was it. The question that sat between them at meals, shared their bed, lurked behind every exchange. “Does it bother you that I’m genetically enhanced?”

Hesitation. Just a split second of hesitation. “Of course not, Julian.”

So, that _was_ it. Julian’s throat throbbed, and his stomach twisted. “I can tell you’re lying,” he said, holding eye contact.

Garak was the one who looked away. “My dear, I—”

“I’m not even sure if you realize it.” Each breath became more of a struggle, and Julian leaned against the wall. Cold metal leeched heat from his body, and he shivered. “Do you realize it, Garak? Is your cruelty intentional or is it subconscious?”

“My cruelty?” Garak’s lip quivered and he gave a small head shake. “No, I was merely—”

“Don’t deny it. Just tell me the truth. Just this once.”

Motions slow and deliberate, Garak disconnected the remaining wiring. “It is…an adjustment,” he finally said.

As if Julian hadn’t been plunged into his own adjustment these past months, hadn’t spent every waking moment feeling the stares, the whispers… “An adjustment.”

“Perhaps not an adjustment I’ve handled particularly well.” None of his usual theatrics permeated Garak’s manner. His tone was low, expression thoughtful. Something—remorse, perhaps—flashed across his face. “I believe I’ve been attempting to deny my discomfort.”

“You are damn good at denial.” Julian hugged his arms tighter across his chest. Damn it, he should have brought this up months ago, back when he’d noticed the shift in Garak’s behavior. Garak wasn’t breaking up with him yet, so this was already going better than expected. Should have just gotten it out of the way sooner. “You didn’t notice that you’ve been sniping at me for months?”

Garak winced, still fiddling with the wires. “As I said, I was somewhat in denial. Whatever my own troubles with the situation, they pale in comparison to your own. I know I haven’t been the most supportive—”

“I’m not worried about that, not right now.” In a way, the so-called support had been even worse. The cheery attempts to act like nothing was wrong, the tentativeness. “I just want to have an open conversation with you.”

Garak’s expression closed like an airlock during sudden decompression. “If that’s what you desire, you may have chosen the wrong partner.”

Damn him. “Really? Is that it, then? Are we finished?”

The sudden panic in Garak’s eyes brought Julian more satisfaction than he’d have ever cared to admit. Served him right. He should be panicking, after all the suffering he’d inflicted.

“Fine, you want an open conversation?” Garak asked. “It does bother me. For months, I’ve been asking myself who—or what—I fell in love with. Did that person really exist? Or were you merely a construct of your parents’ hopes and dreams? I even questioned whether you’d been specifically programmed to appeal to me, perhaps as some sort of covert operation. After all, you appear to be everything I find attractive.”

It was like being pummeled repeatedly in the chest. “How could you possibly think that? Are you really that paranoid?”

Garak rolled his eyes. “You hardly need to ask that question.”

No. No more damned evasion. “I do need to ask.”

To his credit, Garak didn’t look away this time. “Then, yes. I’ve spent these last months wondering who Julian Bashir truly is. Whether the person I love is a fabrication. Whether you are who you claim to be. Whether I know who you are at all.”

An odd sound burst from Julian. Laughter.

Garak stared at him as if he’d sprouted several additional limbs. “Julian?”

“Oh, this is just too damn much.” Julian shook his head. He should have expected this, should have seen it. It was a perfectly reasonable thing to wonder, really. But coming from Garak?

“What is too damn much?”

Julian fixed him with a direct look. “Don’t you think I’ve ever wondered the same thing about you? Elim Garak, the plain simple tailor. Except that you’re not at all. And you lie for _fun_ , Garak. At least I was only lying for self-protection.”

Garak drew back, expression as wounded as if Julian had slapped him. “After all this time, do you understand me so little?”

No matter how long they knew each other, he’d likely never understand Garak. At least, not fully. “In what sense?”

The power grid gave another insistent beep. Garak slowly disconnected the last wire, brow ridges casting deep shadows over his eyes. When he spoke, it was in a tight, strained voice. “Has it ever occurred to you that perhaps I lie, not merely for entertainment, but because telling the truth has never been safe for me either?”

The gap between them closed before Julian even realized he was moving. He pulled Garak into a hug and buried his face against cool scales.

Garak stiffened in his hold, not breathing. Then he put his arms around Julian and gave a low hum.

“I miss you.” Julian’s voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. “I miss how things were. I’m still Julian.”

Oddly, Garak chuckled. “Just with an additional light sprinkling of trauma?”

More than a light sprinkling, but the joke lifted some of the heaviness from Julian’s chest. “Something like that, yeah.”

Garak detached from the embrace, his expression unusually open. “I’ve missed you as well.”

Enough heavy conversation—that admission was enough for now. “Well, now that we’ve sorted out our own respective crises…shall we fix this power grid before the Jem’Hadar blow us up?” Julian asked with a tight smile.

“A wise precaution.” Garak bent over his work, and Julian joined him. They could sort out the rest later, when things quieted down.


End file.
